Help Wanted

It was just like any other ad. Sort of. It was thumbtacked to my college bulletin board like so many others. 



HOUSE KEEPER WANTED


MUST HAVE DISCRETION!!


LIGHT MAINTENANCE AND HAIRCUTTING WORK

Room and Board provided

Must sign NDA

Call to apply



The red tape was a little strange, and I’d never cut hair before, but I knew rich people could be particular, and I’d do almost anything to get out of my dorm room. I ripped it off the wall so no one else could apply and called the number between classes.



The woman who spoke to me didn’t offer much more information. Her sentences were short, though her speaking was slow, and her accent was from somewhere I couldn’t place. She said I as good as had the job (minus some paperwork) and that she’d pick me up early Saturday morning to start my first shift. She hung up without saying goodbye. I hadn’t even gotten her name.



“You’re going to be murdered.” 

My friend Cassie wasn’t too stoked on my new position, but not bothered enough to look up from her math equations.



“No I’m not…” I said, ignoring my essay prompt, but honestly who was I to say?

…


The morning was gray and chilly as I stood awkwardly on the sidewalk waiting for her. I felt like a little kid about to be picked up from school. I adjusted my backpack and was trying not to think about how I WAS a kid about to be picked up from school when a car slid in front of me.



It was a black Rolls-Royce that Cruella Deville would’ve loved. Tinted windows, decades older than I was, shiny and spotless all over. I stared at my reflection until it disappeared, replaced by the backseat. 



A woman looked at me expectantly. She was older, but I couldn’t tell you how much. The door opened and I took a step back.

“Get in,” she said, like I was annoying her.



I took a step back. “Um, is this for..?”



I was annoying her. She rolled her eyes, exasperated, “Yes, I know who you are and you know who I am so get in.”



I got in. Cassie would’ve been disappointed. I closed the door behind me and put my hands in my lap awkwardly. The car drove off immediately, so smoothly it hardly rocked at all. I turned my head to look at the driver, but he didn’t acknowledge us. 

The interior was leather, and of course, unmarred. I extended my hand, “I’m Rory.”



She snorted like that was funny and looked down at my hand before taking it. “Yes. My name is… you can call me Mal.”


We shook hands but only perfunctorily. “Hello Mal. Can I ask who you are and if I can know a bit more about the job?”



“Of course. It won’t be difficult. Mostly dusting, cobwebs, windows, vacuuming… everything you need will be provided. You will have your own kitchen and bathroom fully stocked according to your specifications…”

I could tell she wasn’t used to being interrupted but I couldn’t help myself, “My own kitchen?? How big is this place?"



She stared at me. “Rather large, I would say. But don’t worry, there’s no rush. You can take your time.”

“Are you the owner?” I asked. 



She sighed a little wistfully. “No. It belongs to a… family friend. Circumstances have left me as the only one able to care for it. It’s my… little curse.” She laughed like the last part was a very funny joke, but I didn’t get it.



“There was ‘hair cutting’ mentioned on the flyer? I’ve never done that before…”



“That’s fine. It doesn’t need to be perfect, just shortened when it gets too obviously long.” She dropped her voice, “and I imagine you’ll have plenty of practice.”



I narrowed my eyes, “Who’s hair am I cutting?”

“Everyone’s,” she replied.



“Like, everyone’s in the family?”

“Yes, them too. Well not the only daughter. She lives… her room is in the westernmost tower. It’s the only room you won’t need to enter.”



I was confused, “Tower? Do you mean the top floor?”



She stared at me, “Yes, but that… floor is forbidden.” We looked at each other, then she took a breath like she was ready to move on. “Now. The paperwork. Basically all this clarifies your duties, our responsibilities to you, and the NDA which is your solemn promise not to tell a single soul about this place, where it is, or the inner workings of it.” 



“Or you’ll kill me??” I quipped, but it didn’t land.



Her face rose slowly from the stack of papers in her lap to meet my eyes. She glared at me coldly for a moment, then her expression softened. “No,” she smiled, almost like a song, but offered no additional explanation. 



That wasn't weird. I shook Cassie’s voice out of my head (‘Definitely getting murdered’) and reached for the packet, trying to laugh it off, “Awesome! Tell me where to sign!” She handed it to me and I quickly realized I was already unprepared. “Damnit. I’m so sorry, do you have a pen?” 



She offered something like it was already in her hand. I took it, and gasped with excitement, “Is this a… a quill??”

She was still smiling, looking down at the jet black feather with love. “Yes.” 



I turned it over in my hands gently, “That’s so cool. Do you know what kind of bird?”



“Crow,” she replied simply.



“Very cool,” I repeated. “So… ah!” When I grasped it like a pen, it seemed to shock me, and I had dropped it. 



“Something wrong?” She cooed.



“No… I’m sorry. Clumsy.” I picked it up and waited for her to point out where to put my x, fingers starting to itch. Maybe I was allergic to feathers. But I signed and initialed everywhere she told me, moving so quickly I barely had time to skim anything. When we had finished the pages were decorated with shiny, red ink.

…



When I finally looked up and shook out my hand, we were gliding past fields and meadows. There were no houses or other cars on the road. It was beautiful, but I didn’t recognize it, and I didn’t think we had been driving that long. “Wow. How far is this place?”



“Not too much farther,” she replied. I glanced at her and saw she was staring out the window as well, her expression soft and relaxed. I went back to my own window and watched the scenery change from grasses to trees.

Then the bush started. A wicked knot of brambles starting low then climbing higher and higher until it was dwarfing the car at what must have been ten to twelve feet. It took me a while to notice it was covering a fence. This had to be it. “How big is the property?”

“About fifteen acres,” came her response.



“Are there multiple buildings?”



“Yes.”



I was transfixed by this thicket. Gnarled around the iron, thorns as long as my hand, spikes protruding from the top. It was totally wicked looking. 



The car slowed and turned into the apron of the driveway. I rolled down the window and stuck my head out, gawking at two massive gates choked with branches, gargoyles perched on either side. “Whoa,” I breathed. As they creaked open a crow took off from each of the statues, calling as they went.



The long drive inside was well manicured, though unpaved, and lined on either side with massive oak trees. They were full and ancient, their branches touching, and blocked out most of the sky. We pulled out from under them and up to a narrow stone bridge. “Is this a moat??” I exclaimed, leaning to peek over the side. I gasped and drew back, staring at her wide eyed, “Are those..?”

She smirked at me, “Don’t fall in.” It was so absurd that we both laughed, and I turned back to the window, shaking my head at the grinning crocodiles sunning themselves on the bank. 



We drove through the gatehouse, and up to a large circular drive. I saw a few small buildings, perhaps storage or grounds keeper quarters, and what might have been a stable, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the castle.



It was huge and intimidating and impressive. Great stone walls covered in ivy, turrets at every corner, one lone tower with a conical roof. Dozens of crows perched all over it, watching as we parked. I could hardly breathe. “Do you live here?” I whispered.



“Not quite,” she replied. 

The car came to a stop, and my door opened without me touching it. “This is you,” she said.



I turned to her, “Are you not coming in?”



“No. You’ll be fine. There’s a list of tasks inside for you. A car will be here to pick you up this evening if you decide you don’t want to stay.”



I was nervous, but still intrigued, “And if I do?”



“Then we will have your things."


That didn’t make too much sense, but I’d figure it out later. My gaze drifted back to the fortress in front of me. “Is anyone else in there?”

“No one will bother you. But I have other appointments, so I really must be going.” 

I knew what that meant. I got out of the car, slung my backpack over my shoulder, and made my way toward the great stone steps.

…

She didn’t wait for me to go in. I heard the crunch of gravel behind me and turned to see the back bumper gliding away. Cool.

It was very quiet here. I spun around, taking in the sights - or maybe I was stalling. I looked up and saw a dozen black bird eyes staring down at me, some of their heads cocked. “Hello,” I said, on a whim. One of them cawed back. I wasn’t sure if that should be spooky, but it did make me feel less alone. I took a deep breath and approached the massive wooden door.

It creaked open at my gentlest touch, and I angled my body to squeeze through without opening it all the way.

The first room was much smaller than I had expected, basically a glorified hallway with doors off the back. Iron lanterns lined the wall. They were electric, but still really added to the vibe. I walked across the hall and stopped short.



I hadn’t seen her at first, but a woman lie curled up on the floor. Not dead, asleep. I knelt down beside her. “Sorry to barge in, but I think I work here now? I was told there was a list of tasks and supplies… Do you know where I need to go?” She didn’t answer, so I touched her shoulder. She groaned and rolled away from me, showing me the linen cap over her head. I lowered my voice to a stage whisper, “Okay cool thanks, I’ll just figure it out then.” Must have been one hell of a costume party last night. Maybe that’s why they needed a house keeper. I carefully stepped over her and through the next set of doors. I gently closed it behind me and when my eyes flicked to the room in front of me, I slumped back against the wood, my hand covering my mouth. 


This was the great hall. A massive stone ballroom with marble flooring. Lanterns dotted the walls between ornate tapestries, but the huge fireplaces on either side were empty, making it colder than outside. The chandeliers were also unlit, the main source of light the morning sun streaming through a beautiful stained glass window above the dais. The center of the floor was empty, with the longest tables I had ever seen on either side.

There had been a party. This room was full of people. The benches were comfortably crowded, the dance floor had a handful of couples still on it, and the head table at the front was fully seated as well. All of them asleep. Men leaned back against the walls, women slumped against each other or fallen forward onto the table, couples tangled up on the floor. They all seemed to be at peace. Now that I was listening for it I was surrounded by soft murmurs and snores. And I realized why ‘hair cutting’ had been on the initial ad: braids touched the ground, beards flowed over the table like fabric. I didn’t want this job. 

I reached behind me for the door handle and was starting to turn it when - 


“CAW!”

I shrieked, my gaze flying to the upper right corner of the room. A crow perched on a lantern near a smaller door. I only paused for a moment before reaching back -



“Caw! Caw!” Not as loud this time, but definitely insistent. 

I gritted my teeth. I couldn’t really be considering this. I looked at the crow. He was definitely staring at me, then to the door next to him, then back to me. I sighed. Fine.

I gingerly picked my way through the ballroom, cursing my lack of self preservation. Some guests shifted as I passed, but most didn’t. I spoke out loud, “Excuse me, sorry, pardon me… just don’t… ahhhhh… just stay sleeping please… yeah don’t wake up cause that would be weird and everything is currently totally normal…” I stopped when I reached the dais. I couldn’t help it. I had to look at them.

The couple at the center of the table would have stopped me in my tracks if they had been awake. Asleep, they just made me nervous. He was slumped forward, head resting on his hand, golden beard in a soup bowl. She leaned against him, curls falling out of her updo and down her back. Their clothing was intricately detailed and beautiful, but their crowns were unlike anything I had ever seen.

Not too large, just coils and strips of gold wrapped around their heads and inlaid with jewels. They sparkled in the sunlight. I so wanted to touch them…

“Caw!”


“Okay!” I said to the crow. I looked back to the king and queen. I felt like I should say something, but I couldn’t think of what, so I curtsied. Embarrassed, I then hurried to the door.

The bird chuffed in his throat. “Shut up,” I said. “You want me to go through this door?” The crow didn’t answer. I glanced down at the armored guard at my feet, curled into a fetal position sucking his thumb, and pushed open the door.

The crow flew in before me. It was an industrial kitchen. After all the dark stone, the bright light and stainless steel was shocking. The bird was perched on a counter next to what looked to be an open journal. I approached it and looked at the page. 



“Dishes. That’s it?” It was handwritten, but I didn’t know by whom, or why they had only left me one task. “Oh my god…” I swore, thinking about those giant tables covered in old, dirty dishes. “How do I…?” I heard a flutter of wingbeats and turned. He had lighted onto a rolling cart. He pecked the shiny steel three times. “Ok, thank you,” I said. “That is helpful… still won’t be fun though…”

“Caw Caw!”

I looked to the noise. Another crow. This one on top of a huge industrial dishwasher. “Well there we go,” I said. “Aren’t you two handy?”



I grasped the handles of the cart and pushed it toward the great hall.